Category: Going Solo

Is it really just a little kiss?

It starts innocently enough.... but you can tell here, from this picture; the poor boy doesn't have a chance. I remember my first love when I was about the same age.

She was the cutest little thing I ever saw. Why, just to look at her -- it took my breath away. Heck, we all knew girls have "cooties" but I was drawn to her like the infectious disease had already become parasitic.

I didn't even want to chum with my buddies. I wanted to spend all of my time with her. It wasn't until years later that I discovered a healthy dose of testosterone can lead men through a complicated series of emotions, that some of us are so ill equipped to deal with.  " Never even had a chance" -- is a phrase that comes to mind.

Louis L'Amour writes in his novel Galloway:

Dumb as I was about women I'd watched them enough to know they like to play one man against another, and like to feel wanted even if they ain't. Now Meg had set her cap, or seemed to, for Curly Dunn and right away I come around saying he doesn't amount to much, and then Curly set to prove me right.

Always get a kick out of the phrase "set her cap" --- I think Louis L'Amour coined that phrase. At least I haven't heard it anyplace else, though it crops up a lot in his western novels. A finer author has never been born!

Regardless of whether you're young or old, you have to be a little wary about those girls who would "set their cap" for you and realize that if you're over 50 and alone, and want to stay that way.... you have to be on guard for female tricks. My poor grandson Ethan, who is pictured above receiving his first kiss, is in more trouble than he could possibly realize at his young age.


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What have you learned about yourself?

I was on a site this morning where the topic of discussion was "Self Perception " and the authors post asked this question:

Has anyone learnt more about themselves over the course of a lifetime, and does the knowledge of the ego, make one more content, or more disillusioned.

I don't think it's possible to live for over 50 years and not learned a little bit more about yourself along the way. Here is a song performed by Don McLean about this very thing.

What have you learned?
 


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Man up Dad!

As many of you know, raising daughters can be a challenge; sometimes even more so for fathers going it alone. There are a lot of things to deal with that that we lack experience in. I couldn't help but smile many a time while sitting out on my back stoop. The neighbor across the road is also raising his teenage daughter... and mostly alone. Although I occasionally saw the mother's car there, but not that often.

They recently moved, but after the 3-4 years we were neighbors (although I never introduced myself) I feel like I know him. Basically, he is just a regular guy with me, doing the best that he can.

One of the things we have to contend with in this day and age is getting our daughter's respect. The way popular movies and television have been portraying men and fathers suggest that men don't need to be respected. They are made the butt end of jokes; portrayed as incompetents. Sometimes they are also portrayed as objects for female aggression. I recall one episode of "Seinfeld" where his co-star, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, gives him a very forceful shove and screams at him to "get out!" If this had of played out the other way around, I imagine the station would have been flooded with calls about the show endorsing violence towards women. As it was.... it's just a man who got shoved; no need for alarm.

Other damage created by the media is teaching daughters that they need to be slim, super pretty and sexy in order for their lives to have any social value.  This means I have to learn how to counsel my teenager, that this isn't true. We have to find a way to do this and it isn't something we studied in school. And, I'm not alone....

In an article on education.com it says:

According to the U.S. Census' most recent information, there are approximately 13 million children living in single-parent households. That in itself isn't all that surprising, but here's something that is: 2.5 million of those children are being raised by single fathers. That's nearly 1 in every 40 households –over half as many as ten years ago –in which custodial fathers are raising children, many of whom are girls.

Watch video below as Dr. Meg Meeker , author of  Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters discusses these issues in an interview.

In her book  of  Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters you'll discover:

  • the essential virtues of strong fathers–and how to develop them
  • the cues daughters take from their dads on everything from self-respect to drugs, alcohol, and sex
  • the truth about ground rules (girls do want them, despite their protests)
  • the importance of becoming a hero to your daughter
  • the biggest mistake a dad can make–and the ramifications
  • the fact that girls actually depend on their dads’ guidance into adulthood
  • steps fathers can follow to help daughters avoid disastrous decisions and mistakes
  • ways in which a father’s faith–or lack thereof–will influence his daughter
  • essential communication strategies for different stages of a girl’s life

This would be a great book for anyone who feels a bit over-whelmed. It has received many favorable views. There are other resource out there too, like the National Fatherhood Initiative. And whenever you're faced with indecision, call your closest friends and family and ask for opinions. Tell them you have a list of people you're going to call to get a wider perspective, but you would value their opinion. If they ask whether you will take their advice, tell them you are just collecting ideas, and later after you have a chance to sort through them, you will make your choice.

 


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Just going to chill and chat online?

Sometimes when you're single, and even over 50, it makes you a prime target for scammers.  You certainly need to be on your guard if you're involved with any online social networks. Of course... anyone can be a target.... not just our age group. Like the story published on the CBC website titled "Man tried to blackmail women he met on dating site"  -- this guys was convincing women to share sexual videos of themselves with him, and then afterwards tried to blackmail them.

The man in this story was caught and charged, but there are smarter scammers  out there, and it's possible they can't be charged. I'm going to share a story with you out of my personal experience with Facebook.

I got an email a few months ago that a young lady, Betty (not her real name) had sent me a request to add her as a friend. It was during the work week and I was going through my messages pretty fast. I meant to click the link to learn more about her, as I didn't recognize her name. Instead, I accidentally clicked the wrong link and added her as a friend. Well, I thought, no harm. I clicked through her profile; she didn't have a lot of information on it, but there were a couple of pictures of her with a small boy. She claimed to be 27 years old, live in the southern states and was single.

I didn't think too much about it and then a few days later I got an email from her saying, "Hey there, big Steve. How come a handsome man like you is still single?"

This wasn't my first experience with a young woman looking for a sugar daddy. So I sent her an email back asking what her game was, how much money she hoped to get out of me... and then suggested she forget the whole thing and go find a young man her own age to date.

Then I came to find out, that she had been going through my friends list on Facebook and sending friend requests to other single men over 50 and claiming to be a friend of mine. So my friends were adding her.

After she had read my reply to her message she instantly de-friended me, but it was too late for some of my friends. She struck up a conversation with some of them and moved it along pretty quickly until days later when she told them a "sob" story and then asked for money. I've actually had two friends email me about this.

Technically, I suppose her action isn't illegal; although it could be -- I don't know. But it might turn out a lot worse. What if she stated sending these men nude pictures of herself and then after receiving money and doctoring a few emails, turn around and try and blackmail these men? It's possible she could threaten to go to the police and claim the men were blackmailing her to send nude photos of herself. Then she emails these men with this threat of what she will do unless they want to cough up some serious cash.

Hopefully, the two friends who emailed me about her have de-friended her and aren't having any more to do with her. I don't really know if she would go to these lengths, but she did approach one of them for money. I don't know if he has sent her any. I warned both of them that I figured she was a scammer and not to contact her anymore.

For that matter, she might not even be a woman. The Jamaica Star online published a story a couple of months ago titled "LUSTING MEN CAUGHT IN SCAM - Facebook used in latest con".

If my friends and I can get caught up in this kind of scam, you can too.  The book pictured to the left titled Outsmarting the Scam Artists: How to Protect Yourself From the Most Clever Cons is written by Doug Shadel and is available in paperback form Amazon.  He says, "While anyone can be targeted, many victims are older." In his book you will:

  • Get practical tips to combat all kinds of scams, from simple lottery tickets to non-existent oil and gas deals and religious ponzi schemes
  • Learn how to protect yourself by securing your mailbox and fraud-proofing your trash
  • Get inside the head of sophisticated scam artists to discover how you can become the type of individual they avoid

Some of this book is based on other types of scams, but the underlying theme is the same as "Betty" uses. She appeals to your emotions, and gets you to "buy" into send her money. Watch now as the author of the book talks about this very thing.

And you know what the worse thing is about this? Many of these crimes, and in particularly social crimes go un-reported. The victims feel stupid; they feel it's their own fault -- they should have known better.

Have a look at Outsmarting the Scam Artists: How to Protect Yourself From the Most Clever Cons on the Amazon website. Perhaps it will save you money and help keep you safe.

Sitting in your big comfy chair at home with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders and using your laptop to surf the web and chat with friends on Facebook (or any other social network) doesn't mean you're safe.... even if your doors are locked.

 


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Not a perfect fit

A recent experience inspired this post. It's all about "fitting in" and whether or not it's something to worry about.

I want to drive traffic to this website of course so I thought I would list it with some blog directories. Some of the better ones review each submission, and they don't list yours unless they approve of your blog and content.

An email I received back this morning from Goblog4i said:

We are sorry to inform you that your blog Submission titled as "50 + alone" has been disapproved and deleted from our Site, as it did not fulfill some of our minimum required criteria for blog Approval.

A second email I received this morning, this time from Blog Directory List said:

Congratulations!

50+ and Alone Hey, nice blog:)

We reviewed your blog and we love it and has now been included in our blog directory.  Blog Directory List.

All this does is prove that old saying "you can't please everyone, all of the time" and as far as I am concerned, you shouldn't even try to.

I suppose this is more true for those of us over fifty. From observing my teenage daughter and her friends it certainly isn't true. Teenagers always want to "fit in" and they go to great lengths to do this. They need to wear certain brands of clothes. Their hair has to be styled the right way... we seem to lose this as we get older. No... I'm not talking about just the hair 😉

Once you're over 50, no one seems to care what you look like. Your friends and family are just glad you're alive. Yes, we've all had some losses along the way with friends and family who left us, to what we perceive as, before their time.

So if you're alive, and I hope that you are if you're reading this, let's not be concerned about trying to please everyone. Let's live our lives for ourselves.

 


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