Category: Going Solo

A man’s advice to women on dating

date2-featuredNo one said, that just because you're over fifty and alone, that you can't date. Wanting to stay single and live alone doesn't necessarily exclude dating. You don't get kicked out of the club if you do. Some of you... may even retire from your singlehood, and (heaven forbid) get married again!!

You need some advice? Well, I might just have it for you today, if you're a woman. But, before I tell you about it, I must warn you. The language in the book is quite colorful and may seem inappropriate for sensitive readers. If cuss words bother you, then you might want to skip this book. That being said, Prentice Prefontaine offers some fairly straight-up advice in his book titled Bitch, Stop That! Dating Advice For Women From A Flamboyant Man.

Why would you want to listen to your single girlfriends? If they had any good advice, they certainly didn't heed it themselves. You may call each other best friends, but it wouldn't surprise me one bit to learn your best friends are your biggest competitors. A lot of females wouldn't tell you the truth anyway, because they are too busy being catty.

Now you've really gone too far, Steve!!!!!

Now, now -- don't get your big girl panties in a knot! Did you forget I have a daughter? Let's look at an example that slapped me upside the head so hard, that I'm still reeling from it, almost 9 years later.

Kelsey was eight years old. She was living with me. One day when her best friend was over I heard some sobbing coming from her bedroom. The door was open to her room, as was mine, while I worked away in my office. The girl's wailing was becoming a bit unbearable as she lamented on how badly she was missing her best friend who lived about 3,500 miles away. I thought this was a little odd. First time I had heard of this. To the best of my knowledge, the girl who was trying to comfort her in her bedroom was her best friend. I could hear her trying to comfort and soothe my daughter, but she wasn't having any luck. Finally the girl said it was almost supper time and she had instructions to be home for supper. So with some parting words of compassionate appeal, she left our home.

The sobbing stopped as soon as the door closed, and then the next thing I heard was Kelsey playing with some toys. My, I thought. She got over that rather quickly. I left it alone for a bit, but it was eating me up. I would have to ask. So I strolled over to the kid's door and said, "What was all that about? I thought she was your best friend?"

"She is."

"Well, what was all that bawling for then?"

"Look Dad... she is my friend. But, I don't want her to know it."

I just shook my head and walked away. Those kind of tricks are not something she would have learned from me. It really opened my eyes as to the huge difference there is in the way that men and women communicate, and how these different processes are even, really evident in the early years. Even in this so called, enlightened state, I can't even begin to realize the differences between women who might be best friends, and men who are best friends. I agree that even men who are best friends can be competitive, but a lot less likely in this manner.

This is precisely why, Prentice Prefontaine's book might be a good read for some of you ladies who are interested in dating again. I am really quite doubtful, that your best girlfriends are going to give you any type of advice you can use. You might be better off listening to a male's perspective on the subject, because he isn't afraid to tell you exactly how men see it... and how men see you. And, if you get it now, while it's free you can save yourself $7.99.

Prentice says, "There are a group of five behaviors that can ground your relationship before it’s had a chance to fly. And these behaviors are... N.A.S.T.Y." Ha-ha! Well he sure nailed it on this one. If you're N.A.S.T.Y. ... guess you best get used to being single.

NOTE: For those of you who are really desperate for advice, don't forget there is a forum/discussion area setup on this site, where you are free to ask for relationship advice. Of course, there isn't any guarantee to the quality of the advice you may receive.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re also welcome to share your comments below.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.


Share

Backbone Power The Science of Saying No

grow-one-featuredHave you ever said 'yes', when you wanted to say 'no'? You're not alone. A lot of people do this, and often the situation is different every time. For example: It's a hot afternoon and your skinny best friend implores you to go to the ice-cream bar, because she doesn't have anyone else to go with right then, and you're struggling with your weight. You try to say no, but you end up saying yes. Of course this is only one example...

Are we pre-programmed to say yes? Dr. Anne Brown believes we are. She says, that from the time we are very little:  "Initially, that world consists of our immediate family, and as children, we do our damnedest to make sense of it. We observe, listen, adapt, and then accommodate."

Of course we aren't children any longer. We have the option of saying no. We just need to "grow a backbone".

One time when I was looking for a car to buy, I was at a dealership and was convinced by two sale people to take a particular car out for a test drive. I did, and then when I returned to the lot they tried to convince me to buy it. Many of you will know just how convincing some of these guys can be, but I was double-teamed on this one. I had to be quite stern with them. I said, "I'm not interested in this car. I don't like it. I don't like the way it feels on the highway, I don't like the color, I don't like the interior, and I don't like the look of it". About this time, they realized they would not be selling me this car. But they would have sent me home with it if they could have.

Let's look at some of the common things many people say yes to, and then later regret it.

  • Yes to sex with the ex
  • Yes to paying for things we can’t afford
  • Yes to things we know feel good at the time and cost us our self-esteem later
  • Yes to numbing ourselves with food, alcohol, and drugs
  • Yes to sex to be liked
  • Yes to being sweet to parents and step-parents who treat us poorly
  • Yes to abusive bosses
  • Yes to our friends partying at our house when our parents are away
  • Yes to sex that teenage partners want from us because we think we will be more popular
  • Yes to unfair salaries
  • Yes to “putting up with” and “doing more than others”
  • Yes to any request from anyone because we want to avoid conflict

Dr. Brown is a graduate of the University of Virginia, BS in Nursing, Boston University, MS in Psychiatric-Mental Health in Nursing; and International University, PhD in Addiction Studies. In her book, Backbone Power The Science of Saying No, she says, "When we meet the unhealthy, toxic people of the world, we need to say No to allowing them access to us. When people try to brainwash us with lies, we need to have the tools to say No to their brainwashing." Which is exactly what her book teaches. It offers an insight into waking up, making the decision to set an intention, and accept the challenge of learning to say NO which means YES for you. As you begin practicing your own self-care and gaining inner peace, you will come to the realization that you are the priority. Developing a backbone takes awareness, courage, and inner strength. It is a process. Dr. Brown takes you step by step through this journey.

This is an especially a good read for any of you who are new to being single again.  Without a partner you need to learn to stand up for yourself. In fact, you may need to learn how to stand up against your ex partner. Maybe, even your boss! If your boss is aware you are single, he/she may require you to put in more over-time at work, to give those who have families more time off. Yes, people are going to try and take advantage of you and you need to learn how to deal with it. You have to learn to say no, because no one else is going to say it for you.

This doesn't mean you have to argue...

In, 2000, my web development business slumped a bit. I had to take a job. My daughter was four years old and it was Christmas time. She was registered in ECS at her day-care facility and the Christmas concert  was going to be her first time on stage. So I told my supervisor that I would be leaving early on Friday afternoon so I could attend. He said, "I can't spare you. And I need you to work some overtime on Friday. Sorry, Steve"

On Friday I left at 2:30 pm, so I could go to the Christmas concert. I showed up for work my usual time on Monday. Nothing was ever said about me leaving early. I hadn't disobeyed him. I control my time and what I will do with it. When I informed him I would be leaving early on Friday, I wasn't asking for permission. There was no need to argue with him. It wasn't a lack of respect for him; I had promised my daughter I would be there.

Backbone Power The Science of Saying No is being offered free today as part of an Amazon promotion. If you get click her to download it now, you're be saving yourself $17.39. If you're flying solo these days, you need to be in control of the flight or else you're sure to wind up off-course.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re welcome to comment below.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.


Share

Over forty reasons not to get married

40-reasons-featuredI'm sure if you're over fifty and alone again, you could quite possibly  think of lots of reasons to never get married again.  Did you ever consider writing down all of the reasons? Kate Papas did. In fact, she published a book titled Married or... merry: The International Greek Book of Marriage, or 40+1 Reasons Not to Get Married. It's a hilarious look at all of the reasons she can think of, why you should never marry. I realize, this comes a little too late for most of us, but you don't have to make the same mistake twice, like I did. I'm afraid I'm a slow learner. Although I do learn by mistakes... after I've made the same one a few times....

Kate asks, "What are the ingredients of a marriage? Pure love? Free sex? Nice home cooked food? Children playing around? Then, what about mother- in- laws, divorce, hatred and alimony? In my opinion, in Greece and all over the world, marriage is a mystery and -even worse -- 'the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret…'"

It isn't a fair world. If you ask some couples, who appear happily married, what their secret is, most times they can't tell you. Or if they know you and your situation, they like to go off on some philosophical rant that ends with you feeling like a fool. Maybe sometimes, it's better not to ask. But, if there was one consistent truth behind the whole ordeal, you would likely have to pay a high price for it. And of course, you pay to get married too.

One of the reasons she speaks can be likened to Siamese twins. Often one partner of the marriage will feel suffocated, and complain their partner is too clingy. Although funny to think of, it makes it hard for some couples to have outside interests; the clingy partner demands the presence of the other, at all times. Granted, some couples can learn to be happy this way, but other times it can lead to resentment. It's like eating chocolate. It's all sweet and good at first, but a steady diet of it will make you sick.

The Kindle version of the  book is being offered for free today as part of an Amazon promotion. Click here to download it now and save yourself $7.99. I'm sure you will agree that once you have read through it, you will be appreciating your independence, even if newly found. And, if you have some additional great reasons for getting married, you're welcome to add them in the comments section below.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.


Share

10 Secrets to Getting Any Man

10-secfrets-featuredI always get a kick out of people asking me for martial advice. You DO realize I've had two failed marriages? But, yes! I'll give you my advice. As a matter of fact, I have a forum setup on this website exactly for this purpose. So... if you don't mind me saying, I was practically laughing my a** off when I came across a book written by Dr. Lyn Kelley titled 10 Secrets to Getting Any Man You Want to Want You.

She says her book is "for women who want to be in committed, monogamous, satisfying relationships; however, the principles apply to ALL relationships. The most important decision a woman will ever make in her lifetime is choosing a life mate. And if she’s already chosen one, the next most important decision a woman can make is use my strategies to get him to want her! My book will help empower women and ensure that her mate loves her, commits to her, and consistently treats her with dignity, honor, respect. Rich with practical tips and techniques to help you make meaningful changes, this book pinpoints the issues and actions that can make or break relationships and guides you in perfecting the skills needed to create true love."

It's hard to tell what she considers a perfect man. I was watching a video she uploaded to YouTube titled The 9 Worst Types of Men for Relationships -- where she is promoting another book she wrote titled Bad Dick! Good Jane! You can watch the video below.

10-secrets-ebookShe says it's the nine worst type of men to watch out for, but it looks like she has ruled out all men to me. Maybe she would have better luck as a lesbian. Mind you, in her favor, she does mention deer hunting... not that she went deer hunting with her man.

Still, you can download 10 Secrets to Getting Any Man You Want to Want You right now. It's being offered for free as part of an Amazon promotion. If you miss this special offer, you can still get it for $2.00, but I can't tell you that it's worth the $2. I think you will get better advice by submitting your questions to my forum. I think that this book is all about learning to manipulate men, and let's face it... everyone hates to feel manipulated. We (both partners) want mutual respect from a partner. No one likes to be played.

One day I found a copy of Cosmopolitan in the car of a recently divorced buddy. I asked, "What are you doing reading that crap?" He said, "You need to know how they think." It must have worked. He's happily married now. The point is, there are so many people out there who are more than happy to share the wrong advice with you. One of Dr, Kelley's reviewers said:

I find it disappointing that a PhD and "relationship coach" is basically encouraging women to play hard-to-get, manipulative little dating games. But the title says it all, it's about getting any man you want to want you, so that in itself is manipulative.

If you're over fifty, and seeking a new relationship, there are better options that have been offered on this site. You may want to read the articles, Relationships & Dating Revisited, or Baby Boomers & Online Dating. But... what do I know?

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re welcome to comment below.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.

Share

Dog Training in a Nutshell

dog-training-featuredOne of the things you might decide to do if you're over fifty and going solo, is to get a pet. Dogs are a good choice, and far more favored than cats. (The dog told me to say that). But you'll need to train it. There isn't anything worse than having someone come to your house and your dog is being unruly.

There is a book being offered for free for the next couple of days on Amazon titled Adult Dog Training in a Nutshell by Tim Carter.  Although not overly long, it covers numerous things I never thought of when training. He talks about becoming your dogs Accepted Pack Leader, and it never occurred to me that this was necessary. After reading his book, I can say it is.

One thing Tim mentions, that I would comment on, is:

"...body language, tone of voice etc communicates much more to our dog than we become aware."

This is very true. When I was a teen and our family got a new pup, I took the initiative to train her. But rather than using just voice commands, I used hand gestures too. For example, the command to lie down was done with a closed fist and motioning down. At first, I would put  the closed fist on the floor. And when she finally got the hint and laid down, the fist would open so she could access the treat hidden inside. Which became important later on. She was a cross between German Shepherd and Rottweiler, and she was quite protective of the home turf. When people she didn't know came to the house, the closed fist motioning down, would prompt her to lie down and not cause a fuss.

Tim's book doesn't include hand gestures, but as he mentions in the above quote, dogs can become very attuned to body language. I just took it a step farther. Then, I really didn't have any idea what I was doing. But if you're thinking of getting a dog, you might as well make sure you know how to train it, so click her to download Tim's book today, while it's free.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re welcome to comment below.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.


Share