Category: Family

Beyond Ordinary: A Good Marriage Isn’t Enough

beyond-featuredSome people suffer from mediocrity. I don't. I enjoy it! But. it's one thing living alone this way, it's entirely another thing if your marriage suffers from it. If you aren't quite ready to join us here at 50alone.com, you might want to re-examine your relationship to make sure you don't wind up here by mistake. Don't get me wrong! You're always welcome. Just need to be sure you're here by your own choice.

I was browsing through titles of books at Amazon this morning. Ran across one by Michael Boatman, titled "God Laughs When You Die". Okay! Let him have the last laugh if he must. But don't let him, or anyone else, laugh now because your marriage is a joke. While you're living, there is still hope.

Please, take my advice -- it never did ME any good... It doesn't matter if youare the one who is thinking of leaving. It will still be a traumatic experience for everyone involved, including children, family and friends. Having two failed marriages behind me, I know a little bit about it.

Justin Davis says:

"The biggest threat to any marriage isn’t infidelity or miscommunication. The greatest enemy is ordinary. Ordinary marriages lose hope. Ordinary marriages lack vision. Ordinary marriages give in to compromise. Ordinary is the belief that this is as good as it will ever get. And when we begin to settle for ordinary, it’s easy to move from “I do” to 'I’m done'."

Justin may have written my life story. It sounds like my last marriage. Most of the time, we were both working two jobs each, and busy trying to raise our daughter and manage our bills. It didn't leave a lot of time for each other.

In Justin's book, Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn't Good Enough, Justin and Trisha take us inside the slow fade that occurred in their own marriage—each telling the story from their own perspective. Together, they reveal the mistakes they made, the work they avoided, the thoughts and feelings that led to an affair and near divorce, and finally, the heart-change that had to occur in both of them before they could experience the hope, healing, and restoration of a truly extraordinary marriage.

Here is a an excerpt that I found intriguing:

Can you name any area of your life you can neglect and then expect to see improvement?

Does this work with your body? Nope. Ignore it, and you’ll get fat.

Does this work with your business? Nope. Ignore it, and it will crash.

Does this work with your yard? Nope. Ignore it and, it will be overrun by weeds.

So why in the world do we think we can put our marriages on autopilot and they will still be what God wants them to be?

Hard questions? Maybe. Then, if you want to keep what you have, perhaps you will feel the need to answer them. I must confess, I did not read the whole book. I scanned through it. I think it will offer everyone who is trying to make their marriage work some insight into how to change an ordinary marriage into an extraordinary marriage. Don't take my word for it though. There are over 150 reviews of this book on Amazon (which is being offered for free today) and you can click here to read them.

Now, even if you are a proud, card carrying member,  of 50alone.com, there's a chance that some of you might eventually get tired of living alone, and may meet someone who changes your mind. We ain't kickin' you out of the club. We're rootin' for ya'.  It's understandable that some people were never meant to live alone, and they thrive as part of a couple. If this is you, get this book today while it's free.

You know how some days you get that urge to rearrange all of the furniture? Ya', no... I don't get it either 'cause I'm a man. The furniture is sitting in exactly the same spot since I bought this house and moved in. Maybe it will stay there; maybe it won't...

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re also welcome to share your comments below.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.


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The Rules of Parenting

parent-featuredIf you're over fifty, chances are you aren't raising children. They are likely grown up and gone. Maybe they are raising children. If they are, it's likely, they are raising your grandchildren in the same fashion you raised them. Let me ask you a question: who taught you how to raise children? No doubt, your experience in this area stems from your childhood. You raised your children the same way you were raised. You disciplined them in the same manner; you tried to set the same values and raise them on the ethical beliefs that were instilled upon you in your early years.

Did ya' do good?

I'm not sure I did.

When I was a young man, and my first wife and I had our son, we raised him based on these beliefs that were passed down to us from our parents. When we were children, we believed that our parents had the answers to everything. If we raised our children in the same fashion, what could be wrong with that? Well... the answer is: there could be a lot wrong with that...

I don't believe in perfect people. Never did. I look back over the last 50+ years and can see the mistakes I've made -- mistakes with careers, mistakes with people, and even mistakes with my kids. And even though I thought my parents were perfect, maybe they were just regular people like me -- who didn't have all the answers to all of the questions in the universe. Who knows? Maybe they made their fair share of mistakes too. And God forbid! Maybe their parenting wasn't perfect.

My daughter was very young, and I was working mostly night-shifts at a mill. This was about the same time I was just getting started on building my business. On the night-shift there was only one other fellow besides myself, and I learned to appreciate his quick wit, intelligence, and his sense of purpose. He shared with me, stories of his father beating him with a belt when he was young. He said, "If I have ever have children, they will definitely not be raised the way I was." It was he, who suggested to me, that parents weren't perfect... we didn't have to raise our children the same way we were raised, and that we were free to make our own rules, and follow our hearts to use our best judgement. And, by shifting our own behaviour and thinking, we could make sure that our children would have a better guideline for raising our grandchildren.

These discussions on this topic, with my co-worker, continued on-and-off, for a couple of months. My son, to my first wife, often got a licking (just like I did when I was little) as a means of discipline. But when I was having these discussion at work, I was already married a second time and we had a daughter. She was very young at this time, but after bringing up these ideas to my wife it was agreed we would find another way to discipline her.

I was inspired to write this post after reading The Rules of Parenting by Richard Templar. I don't think anyone has all the answers but his book certainly offers some really great ideas to pass on to my children on raising my grandchildren. By the way, the Kindle version of the book is free today as part of an Amazon promotion. Richard said, about this book:

"There are lots of wrong ways to bring up your kids, but there are lots of right ones, too. There's no list of instructions you have to follow to the letter if you don't want your child to end up a loser. The Rules of Parenting presents the principles to follow which you can adapt to suit you and your children. Beginning with the first rule "Relax" and continuing through 100 rules, this book presents a guide to everything a parent needs to know from toddling, school, boyfriends or girlfriends, through driving lessons and college. The book begins with a section that covers the most important rules, The Rules for Staying Sane. The rest of the sections cover the some of the big questions of parenting, including the Attitude Rules, the Discipline Rules, the Sibling Rules, the School Rules, the Teenage Rules, the Crisis Rules, all the way up to the Grown-up Rules."

If you were to print the book off, it's about 275 pages long, so I wasn't able to go through the whole thing today, but I scanned through a lot of it. It offers some really great ideas on the subject of parenting, and I wish I had read it years ago when I was raising my own.

It would be nice if we could get in a time machine and go back and fix all of our stupid mistakes. Especially so, for our children's sake! But maybe it isn't too late to pass on some good advice. Although caution is urged on how to present it. They aren't as impressionable as they once were.

Presentation is everything! One of the smartest men I ever had the chance to work with, would present the problem and ask me for my idea on how to resolve it. When I offered an answer, I could see he was honestly evaluating it. His reply would often follow this structure:

I think that's a good idea, Steve. But I'm wondering about... (and then he would mention a part of the puzzle I hadn't thought of). How about if we approached it this way.....

One of two things would happen then. Either I would have a solution (which was very seldom) to the hole in my theory, or I could see the brilliance in his plan, and we would opt to do it that way. But you see... he valued my opinion, and then presented a better plan that we could agree upon. Although... and I humbly submit, there was the odd time we went with my plan with a few modifications (ha -ha).

Of course, each one of you, I'm sure, has already figured out how to present your grown children with new ideas. You have learned how to approach them without confrontation, I hope. You have to be careful of where you "stick your nose in" so it doesn't get bitten off. It isn't like you can "turn them over your knee" for not listening any more....

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re also welcome to share your comments below.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.


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When Cancer Knocks

fight-cancer-featuredMy sister-in-law was complaining to her 95 year old grandmother about all of the aches and pains she was experiencing since she was over fifty. Her grandmother said, "Growing old isn't for wussies, dear." With my mother turning eighty-one this year, I wish that's all she had to complain about, but she has cancer knocking at her door. She had a kidney removed last year, and since that time she has been to the hospital three times to have cancer nodes scrapped off of her bladder.

Since last year we have spent quite a bit of time together. After my divorce in 2003, I had moved back home to nova Scotia so I would have more time to spend with friends and my aging parents. At that time, Dad had already been diagnosed with dementia, and later on they decided it was Alzheimer's -- although he wasn't too bad when I first moved home. So I got to visit them quite a bit, while he was still able to function at a reasonable level. Unfortunately, the following years became worse. Still, he was never in a home or hospitalized. My mother looked after him the whole time.

I didn't get to see them as often as I would have liked. They lived 35 miles out of town. But I called my mother every day.  We usually talked for a half-hour, although at times it stretched to an hour or more. I sincerely hope that in some small way it helped her cope with my father, knowing she had someone to talk to. By the time Dad passed in 2006, he mostly didn't recognize any of us, including my mother. I say mostly... because....

He became distressed in the summer of '06. It was late at night. My brother and his wife were at their cottage and I was at mine. Both cottages were only located about three-quarters of a mile from our parents house. The cottages sit right on the Bay of Fundy. A late night knock at the door saw my brother standing there. He said, "C'mon -- it's Dad."

I got dressed; jumped into my pickup and drove as fast as I could to my parents place. There were too many cars to park close, as first responders includes firemen, police and paramedics. There was quite a commotion going on at the front door so I ran in the back. There must have been over a dozen people n there. They were wheeling Dad out on a stretcher through the front door, when he grabbed my mother's hand and said, "I guess this is it, then. I love you!" It was one week short of their 50th anniversary. But at that moment, he knew who she was, although most days prior to this, he didn't know her. He did, that night though....

Dad passed away. I wondered about calling my mother every morning, that I had become so accustomed to, after that. Dad was gone, maybe she didn't need to talk to someone rational every morning. But then, maybe she needed someone to talk to. You don't spend 50 years with someone and not be grief-stricken when they are gone. And of course, the whole point of moving home, after my divorce, was to be close to family and friends. I would call her. And I did -- the same time every day.

She has since sold the old farmhouse and moved to the adjacent town across from where I live. I could be there in fifteen minutes if I had to be. I've thought about ending the calls, but then I thought she needs to adjust to living alone. Maybe I can help her with that....

Then she was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. This last year, we have spent a lot of time together. When my daughter Kelsey was here, we would do things together with her and her friends. We've had some wonderful times. Now that my daughter has gone away to live with her mother, Mom and I often get together for lunch, or do some odd things together. And I'm still calling her every day.

One of the clients I work for, are publishers of alternate cancer remedies.  I asked them which of their books I might buy that would help my mother, and they freely sent me many of them, including Outsmart You Cancer by Tanya Harter Pierce, M.A. MFCC. They said, out of all the books they publish, this was one of the best. In Chapter 11 of the book she talks about a drug called Protocel. You can read a previous article I wrote about Outsmart You Cancer here. It's one of the books she has read that has probably done her the most good, and convinced her to change some of her eating habits too. Protocel is apparently a good choice for fighting bladder cancer. But I haven't been able to convince her to speak to her doctor about it yet. Of course, the reviews are mixed and it hasn't been approved that I'm aware of.

Watch Dr. Michael L. Johnson in the video below as he speaks about Protocel.

My mother will be undergoing Bacillus Calmette-Guerin treatments. According to WebMed, it's supposed to help eliminate the recurrence she has been experiencing. I certainly hope this works for her, but it's nice to know there are other options.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

While you’re here, don’t forget to check out our rebel mouse page, to see what else you might be missing.

Comment are welcome below.


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Stop Bullying: Over Fifty Brilliant Ideas

bully-featureOne out of every three kids is being bullied right now.  Over fifty percent of teenagers are being bullied online with more girls than boys being bullied, although boys aren't excluded from it. And there are a lot of these kids committing suicide because of it; especially over the last few years.  to those of us fifty and over, this looks like it's becoming a trend. But why?

With this younger generation so closely connected through the Internet and social media websites, they don't get any time to recover, or even have a couple of hours away from it. The barrage is constant. They can't escape it, even when they are home surrounded by their loving families. It is very tragic.

No one want to see their children or grandchildren have to suffer this kind of abuse. The children often don't talk about it. We have to learn to see the signs that the child may be experiencing some sort of trauma.

Dr Sabina Dosani M.B.B.S., M.Sc., M.R.C.Psych. is a consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at the Kari Centre, Auckland, New Zealand and co-editor of the British Medical Journal's Career Focus section. Sabina has also written for the Sunday Express, Guardian, Times 2 and Saga magazine. Watch the video below as she talks about how to recognize and tackle child and teenage emotional and behavioral problems.

bully-ebookIn her book, Bullying (52 Brilliant Ideas) Dr. Sabina Dosani has put together 52 brilliant ideas to enable parents to help their children survive being bullied and become stronger and more confident people as a result. Including advice on identifying different types of bully, clever tips for not reacting to taunts, self-defence ideas for increased confidence and methods to take the wind out of a bully's sails, Bullying will help you to help your child find their own empowering way to take control of the situation and rid themselves of the fear that being bullied can bring. In Bullying Dr. Sabina Dosani has put together 52 brilliant ideas to enable parents to help their children survive being bullied and become stronger and more confident people as a result.

And even though it's written to help parents address these issues, that doesn't mean that  as a grandparent, you can't help steer the course of the interchange by suggesting your grown son/daughter read this book with their kids. If you feel something might be wrong, after you read this book, you will have an idea for some leading questions you can ask, to see if there might be a problem.

This book is being offered free for the next 24-48 hours as an Amazon promotion. Get it for free now, while you can.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re also welcome to share your comments below.


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From His Window: A song/video about Alzheimer’s

dad-featuredIf you're over fifty there is a good chance you know someone who has/had Alzheimer’s. My father had it, and although some of the things he came up with were kind of funny; they were funny, but sad at the same time.  He got to the point where he didn't recognize anyone, not even my mother.

There are a few posts relating to Alzheimer’s on this site. Most of them are tagged, so if you would like to review them the tagged posts on Alzheimer’s can be found here.

One of my friends had posted a YouTube Video titled From His Window - (song about Alzheimer's disease). I wanted to share it with you.

If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. You’re not going to get spammed — I respect your privacy. All you will get is the new posts only. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.

You’re also welcome to share your comments below.


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